Why

why
June 30 2011 at 7:48 PM sespy

oh, love.

why are you so stubborn?
like a bad song thats stuck
in my head, or shadow
when he wants to clothesline people downtown
and pee on every blade of grass..

why are you so painful?
and hard to understand
like a bee sting on a warm afternoon
when everyone else is walking around barefoot
and they laugh at you and say
oh 'its just a stick'

why are you so sneaky?
hiding about like kids in closets
who are very good at hide n seek
hiding in my heart for so long
until i get another chance
and hurting all the more another time..

why are you so selfish?
and think you make the rules
like i am just a pauper
happy to tend your fields
and will say, hey, ho! gladly i will go
offer my service and loyalty to another
when you feel you want to re staff

love.
we need to have a meeting
i need a raise and BENEFITS

I Love You

i love you
June 30 2011 at 6:00 PM sespy

so.
so much.
so greatly/ gently..
so powerfully,
like roots love a tree.
i love you madly,
sadly,
and with the greatest grin-
big enough to sip oceans.

i love you loudly,
and at your perfect decibel..
where no one can hear,

but everyone can see.

A Wish

a wish
June 30 2011 at 5:07 PM sespy

i wish we could have just loved
and loved and loved
every day bursting with it

watching the trees dance
and feeling your smile beam in my heart

i wish we could have just laughed
and laughed and laughed
and never cried

shaking blossoms down
as we shook the ground

i wish we could have just talked
and talked and talked
and never misunderstood

fearless poetics that went full moon
every night on your pillow

i wish we could have known
and still knew..
what the hell to do
to make a wish
come true

X-Ray

x ray
June 30 2011 at 5:01 PM sespy

let us look inside
this little girl

too old to be little
to young to be broken
too broken to love..

what may we say
is the culprit?
causing the blood to move so slow
causing the eyes to look but not see
causing the mind to sabotage itself
like a bad machine..

what is making this ticking sound?
i see nothing of value here..
no meat in the chest
no meat in the belly
with all the scars

i think we might have to go in for another view
something is eluding us here
it may be a terminal case
that has no cure
sometimes its best to put an end
to the suffering

a murder of one.

may be things put in
we cant take out
maybe things that need to come out
that will stay, and stay, and stay

Where

where
June 30 2011 at 4:48 PM sespy

where would i begin
to make things right?

which spot could i choose?
pure as a picnic
to scare away this mess
that has taken on my skin

shout at her and say
-do not!
get out of my shade!
lest you poison me
with your thirsty looks
and turn my hand into a blade..

was i ever worthy?

or have i fallen just into my mold
fat with the shame and disgust
i was fed like cows milk
white and pure
good for the skin and bones!

but only confusion grew strong
in me
and i was weak.

would i have turned around
before i met you?

scars have built up, long before this
making me so hard to get through to
daydreams and nightmares swirling about
like a dust storm
pulling at my skirt

saying no, you have never been worthy.

i left you with dignity and sadness
a furious lion courage of love
that no one could persuade me to hide
but you beat me back
and i hid my heart
turning into this darkness that has taken me


connect the dots of a broken heart
but where will it get you?

Journal of a Heartbeak

journal of a heartbreak
June 30 2011 at 4:20 PM sespy
day 1

the smoke is circling

but i saw the fire coming,
slowly slipping out my insides
to block the sun and sky

i hate my words.
my lips know nothing
they only lie

balls flying out of a pitching machine
at the speed you so prefer

i hate this face.
that doesnt reflect
its own darkness

eyes the color of earth
that cant see truth anywhere on it


how can i wander about like a ghost
but still get a suntan?

how can i become a monster on the quest of love
when i am hateful to love, its enemy?

how did i let my heart walk out during intermission
of the greatest show on earth
for a fuck and a handshake.

old romance,
a sea kissed captain
surly and alone in the white dark

old hope,
you witch with all the pretty dreams
shattered underfoot